These Days…I (Feel) Like I’m 6 Again…

“Oh make me a red cape…I want to be superman” – ‘83 (John Mayer)

It has been roughly 3 weeks since I have started both Yoga Teacher Training as well as The Iron Yard. During this time I have felt some lows and a lot of highs. But what I wasn’t prepared for was feeling a bit like a little kid again.

Maybe it is because of the all the new things I am learning, maybe it is because of the life changing course I started when I quit my job. But whatever is causing it, I am feeling similar to a little kid.

I pack my lunch everyday, I get snacks, I even get a mandatory savasana (nap) during yoga. I really don’t have the time to make a lot of decisions. The decisions seem to be made for me now that I have picked these paths. I got homework to do, for both yoga and Iron Yard, and I don’t have room to do my usually mental back and forth about what I am going to do and how I am going to do it.

Another aspect of my childhood regression is that I am also experiencing behavior and feelings like i did as a kid. I am more reserved than I have been in years, listening mostly, and not talking that much. I even have to push myself to ask questions in class, cause I feel a bit awkward. I am also having issues of judgment. My type A personality likes to perform well. And since I am learning so much so quickly–I am often feelings like a failure.

Even though I know that learning and struggling isn’t failing, it is still feels like it for me.

But its not all bad feeling like I am 6 again. In addition to the struggles, I am also excited about what I am doing and learning. Even when I am exhausted I want to go to yoga and hang out with those wonderful ladies. Even when I am frustrated and tired, I still am exited to go to school each day and learn some more code. These are also feelings that I haven’t felt like this since I was little. Just genuine excitement about life.

“…whatever happened to my…whatever happened to my….whatever happened to my lunchbox?
When came the day that it got
thrown away and don’t you think I should have had some say
in that decision…”