Turning

After working at a real tech job for a few weeks, my husband turns to me and ask,

“So is being a software developer what you thought it would be”?

I took a second to think and replied, “

um, yes and no. But it does feel like I am turning, like a vampire”.

Even though this was my stream of consciousness response, after further thought I realized that becoming a vampire is actually a good analogy of what is happening to me. Now that I have spent a few months as a bonafide software engineer (the junior is silent), I can feel the transformation.

I am not one of those people that knew from a young age that I wanted to do this. And now that I do it, it isn’t the only thing I want to do. It is the thing that I do that makes everything else stronger. So like a vampire, for me, it took some time. I had to let it seep in slowly before I started to feel the affects.

And like a vampire, the memories of how I used to be are still there, but they are moving further and further away. I am still new enough to remember when I didn’t know the difference between back in and front end. When I couldn’t have told you the difference between Java and JavaScript. But those memories are moving further away from who I am becoming. Now, I read about linux on my lunch break and spend my Saturday’s struggling with front end projects for fun.

Like a vampire, I live in a world of humans, but I am starting to not feel like one anymore. It feels like I see a whole other level of existence that these other humans just don’t care to know about. Its not the same as seeing the undead, but it does feel like I have special powers. I can make things, real things, just cause I want to. I can open things and peep under the hood and see what is really going on. I can read and learn and teach myself about how to manipulate the world around me. The more I do it, the less I understand how so many people are happy being oblivious to it.

In tandem to the above thought, I am becoming more easily annoyed with humans that don’t know what I do or how hard it can be. If i hear one more time, “but I can just make a website in wix”, I might throw up. Its not so much that I expect to be worshipped, it more that I can’t believe how much people don’t understand about what they are interacting with. I’m not saying that I think I am better than others, I am saying that there are times when I feel like others want me to dumb down, and I get tired of that.

Most of all, its just fun being invited into this new underworld. I am enjoying the company, and learning so much everyday. Even though I am not like I used to be, I don’t think that the old me was all bad or a waste. I am just at a new version, leveled up and ready for the next challenge.

If I misstep, that is what version control is for :)