Quiet Time

The last few weeks have been quite hectic. Really, it has been the last month and a half.

First there was the beginning of the end of school (aka, picking my final project). There was was Thanksgiving, which was really me trying to determine how to organize my final project with a big meal thrown in. Then there was the death bed sickness, followed by the end of the Iron Yard (tear!). Then working on resumes, portfolios and reminding myself that it’s Christmas time.

Now its like…what, the year is over in a few days? I still have so much to do, so much to learn, etc… But in all the mayhem I have noticed that this a certain quietness that has come into my life. It surrounds me like blanket, and keeps me insulated from the “real” world. I truly appreciate it. This quietness has allowed me to be almost singularly focused on the mission at hand. Which is my transition from developer wanna be, to a developer being awesome, and all the stuff that goes with that.

In this time, I haven’t done much else. I haven’t spent much time with friends. I haven’t gone out to events, unless you count that time I went to see Interstellar(totally worth it!). I haven’t even spent that much time with my family (I am working that one back in). And what I have noticed is that it has freed me to become introspect again. To think for myself again, to dream about myself again. I didn’t know how much I needed this quiet time. I certainly didn’t expect it, since its not like I was going on a spiritual retreat to the Himalayas. I was going to a coding bootcamp. Not exactly a relaxing vacation.

In some ways, I think that it broke me. Not in the Bane vs Batman kinda way. But in the, cracked open my shell so that I could see the light kind of way. And I got to see what I have been missing.

I love being obsessed with something that its what I want to do all the time. I love staying up late at night listening to youtube talks about the future of software development. I love watching tutorials and reading about Ruby and Rails. I love working on side projects to see if I can get just a teeny bit better.

Yes, I am exhausted from everything that I have just went through. I want to take a vacation and just relax (no computer….its going to be tough…I might cheat and bring my iPad though). I want all those things very much. But what’s interesting is that I want to work just a little bit more. I want to be better just a little bit more. And so, I keep working on it. Learning one little new thing a day. Trying new stuff each day. I can’t help it. Learning has always been one of my obsessions.

I am just grateful that I got to experience this quiet time, away from the pressures of the “real” world, and the life that everyone else thinks that I should be leading. I got a chance to sink deep into myself, and remember who I am again.

I think that a lot of us need this kind of solitude. To go on a journey that, we alone take, even in the midst of others. There is a simple beauty in what happens to you, how it changes you. Kind of like yoga. Even though I left the teacher training, I took from it what resonated with me, and continued to let that grow.

My hope is that I can continue to keep this special peace just for me. Just so that I can keep my sanity, and my scope aimed in the right direction.

I believe that it has made all the difference.