Mad Scientist and Actress
I recently watch The Actors Studio and heard Hugh Jackman say to the students, “your job is to tell the truth about humanity because this is one of the last places where that exists”.
Something about that statement clicked for me. Its one of the reasons why I love acting, art and music. This adds a link to connect this disparate love of art to my overly analytic scientific self. It all goes back to my early childhood dreams of being a Mad Scientist and and Actress.
When I was 5, if you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would say “Mad Scientist….and also an actress”. To me one could not exist without the other. Why be a scientist if you couldn’t be mad? I imagined beakers overflowing, rules breaking and new discoveries. And of course I wanted to be an actress. Not only did I spend several weeks re-enacting movies I watched (in full costume), but I forced my little sister to do it with me. Storytelling was not my escape, it was my empowerment. It was my chance to build a place in the world with utter confidence. Really, are the two concepts that different?
These days, I am pulling together what it is that I am, now that I am kind of a grown up. I admit that I feel the same as I did at 5. I love software development. It keeps me up at night. It gives me a chance to build a place in the world, with utter confidence. I also wouldn’t change the past. If I could go back to college and do it again, I would still have studied psychology and anthropology. These were my escapes into mad science. These fields, unlike some others sciences (except maybe physics, which I never formally studied but have a small obsession with) do not believe in only one truth. They still ask pretty fundamental questions, like what does it mean to be human? Isn’t it crazy that for all that we have achieved as a species, we are still so latent in understanding what we even are?
My mad scientific lab is studying and understanding people, places and things. And my instrument of choice right now is software. I believe that walking along this path holds the possibility for so many discoveries. It always amazes me when people assume that I don’t want to be a social scientist anymore. Are you kidding? Its so fun, why would I give that up? And now….now when I have a brand new intellectually stimulating toy to play with? I have only just gotten started!
My goal is to find out how I plan to merge the two into a cohesive existence for me. Let’s face it, at this point it is no longer just about career. It is about my happiness. I still have a 5 year old girl inside me that won’t be happy being just a scientist or just an actress. I have to find a way to satisfy both….and I shall. My hope is that when I do, others who are on a similar path will see that they are not alone, as I have often felt. And that they are not crazy, another thing I have often felt. My hope is that they feel like an adventurer, discovering the new unknown.
A feeling that I am getting more acquainted with all the time.
