If You Don’t Like The View…Wait A Day

Today wasn’t necessarily a day of a breakthrough. I didn’t have a big win, I didn’t even finish my homework (it was one of those days), but today I did have an ah ha moment.

Driving home early from class (the wifi had been playing terrible tricks on us all morning), I felt a sense of….calm would be taking it to far. So I will just say a sense of… not panic. I knew that I had things left to do (like finish my website, like start creating a rails app, and yoga reading, etc..) but for the first time, I didn’t feel worried about my ability to get it done.

Actually, I felt…dare I say…confident about being able to get it done. That doesn’t mean that I was able to write perfect code once arriving home, and that everything is finished. Actually the opposite happened, and I ran into new issues. But the difference that I experienced today is that….I am not afraid of what I don’t know anymore.

This is huge for me, cause the last 3 weeks have pushed my brains to the limit, and I have started wondering if I really did have what it took to make it through. And in those moments I remembered how much I wanted this, and decided that I would just push through anyway. Hoping, that one day, it would pay off.

That day was today. Not that now I am enlightened by the coding gods, and now have grown into my ninja superpowers. Its just that I am no longer overwhelmed by my own ignorance, as I once felt.

And by once, I mean Sunday.

Instead, I feel like I am starting to see how much I really have learned in the past few weeks. That all the sleepless nights are adding up to something really awesome. That I am feeling more like a developer, and less like a person trying to be a developer. That I am no longer who I used to be, even a few weeks ago.

And it all came from continuing to show up everyday. Continuing to keep trying, even when I felt stupid. Continuing to allow myself to move forward, and not to obsess over what I was stuck on, and why I couldn’t just get it right the first time.

So, I realize that if you don’t like where you are, keep on working, and eventually you will get somewhere else. And that every passing minute, is a chance to turn it all around.